Finer Feelings
by F'-'A'-'N'-'B'O
Summary: Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, it doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have...Quaxo/MistoffeleesxTugger...SLASH...Please R


_Okay, so this is my attempt at Tugger's POV, in my opinion, Tugger is very out of character, but I always find it hard to write when it comes to a scenario where Tugger has to express his emotions. I just don't reckon he's the kinda guy to do that, but still, I was challenged to do this…so it is done._

_**WARNING: **Slighty OOC Tugger , Cheesy SLASH and the slight over use of the word love._

_**DISCLAIMER:** I Dont Own CATS , Belongs to People with Cooler acronyms than me..._

* * *

What more can I give you, when im giving you my all. Can't you appreciate what you've got? Why do you always want more? You tell me you love me – it's reciprocal. I love you too. So why can't you be happy with me. Take me as I am.

They all say I don't deserve you. I suppose it's true to a certain extent. Your tolerant, you listen, you wait for me. The 'Perfect Mate'. So if that's what you truly are, how can I ever live up to that? I give you everything I can; I'm as tolerant as I can muster. But I'm habitually impatient and I bore very easily. I try and listen to you. You know I do. But my mind always wanders to _other_ things. Sometimes I wonder if im as bad as they say. Everyone enjoys my company…so why do they all say im so bad. It's not like I've killed anyone. So I like to have a little fun, that never hurt anybody. They say you've changed me, for the good. I'm less promiscuous; the only person that that benefits is you. You now have an almost perfectly faithful mate. But surely, even you Quaxo get bored of eating the same thing every day. Apparently not. Apparently it's only me. I know you get mad at me, if I've spent the night with Bomba or someone else, Alonzo perhaps. Not being disrespectful to you, but you were never the most successful with queens. Therefore, no offers. How would you feel, being propositioned everyday. Temptations lurking round every corner. Sometimes, I snap. Give in and taste the sweet, lustful taste of forbidden fruit. It's always so much better when you're not supposed to. You've always described mating as something beautiful. Beautiful isn't quite how I'd put it. I always mated for entertainment, for pleasure. You say its how to people express there love for each other, the only way you can give yourself entirely to someone. Well , I haven't loved everyone I've ever mated with , to be honest I've barely loved any of them. You know I love you; it's cruel to say I don't. If you truly knew me, and you knew that I loved you, does it matter that I flirt with other people? We are complete opposites, so why am I so attracted to you. The oddest thing is, im not attracted to you the way I am most cats. Im not lured in by your dazzling appearance, or implicit euphemisms. Im drawn to you, because of _you_. Your personality, you quirky sense of humour, your everything. Everlasting, Im even starting to sound like you. I always thought you had a rather feminine approach to things, the way you think especially. Well, you've poisoned my dirty, filthy thought-filled mind, and slowly, an inch a day, your cleaning it. Things I would have laughed at a few months ago, I now dismiss as a daily thing.

I usually can't wait to see you. So why am I now stood out the Junkyard gates. Scuffing my feet across the ground. Waiting outside like a tom-kit on his first date. I begin to pace. Something that always helped to clear my thoughts. What will you say when I go in. I haven't been there in two weeks. I decided to go for a walk, and then I just kept on wandering. You will be mad, because I haven't told you where I went, or that I was going to leave. The thing that gave me my doubts was the fact that I managed to stay perfectly faithful all that time. I didn't once even contemplate mating with anyone that offered. That's odd. For me anyway. Then I realised that im changing, and every day that passed by that I wasn't with you, it hurt, it felt like something was missing. Then I realised something was wrong. That's not me , that's not the Tugger , I don't think like… like _that_ , I am independent , I'll do as I please , so why do I feel like I …_need _you?

_What are you doing Tugger? You not afraid of Quaxo. Go In._

No, but I don't want him to think badly of me. Then he would just be like the others.

_But he's not is he? He's not your boss either. You are. You are your own tom. You can do as you please. Without having to tell someone where you're going. Your the Tugger everyone loves you. The queens will be delighted to see you and all attention is good attention .Right?_

I sigh and slip thought the gates.

* * *

"Where were you?" Accused Quaxo

"Out, is that alright with you, _Mum_?"

"Where is 'Out'?

"Why does it matter, don't you trust me?"

"Of course I trust you Tugger, but…"

"But nothing. I didn't screw anyone; I stayed perfectly faithful if that's any consolidation."

"I wasn't even thinking that, I was bothered that you were hurt, no contact for two weeks Tugger, anything could have happened."

"Oh, yeah sorry."

Quaxo walked up to Tugger, and attempted to hug him, but was greeted with the rigid frame of a rather uncomfortable Tugger. Keeping and arm around Tuggers waist, he pulled away slightly.

"What's wrong Rum?"

"Nothing, Im off out"

"But you only just got back?"

"What of it?"

Quaxo sighed heavily, looking down at the ground. When he reinstated eye contact with his mate, he was flooded with an embarrassingly aroused abandon. He adored the way Tugger was when he was angry, He looked sexy. He was sexy. But Quaxo wanted more than sexiness from him. He wanted to know how important he was in Tugger's life.

"Please, Tugger…couldn't you give me tonight?" He hated the way Tugger made him practically grovel for attention, he was a strong tom, and doing this was pathetic, it wasn't in his nature, but he needed to know. "I'll make you happy Tugger"

"I am happy. I'm delirious with happiness. Thankyou for already making me so happy."

In Quaxo's mind, he didn't look the least bit happy. His words sounded sarcastic. He was quite certain Tugger wasn't happy the way things were developing between them.

"I want you to stay with me."

Quaxo knew he was on very dangerous grounds with that plea. He was also probably wrong to put such a demand on Tugger, but his need was acute. In a desperate attempt to interest him, Quaxo let his tail slide between Tuggers legs, drawing soft, tantalising circles against the back of the larger tom's thigh. Quaxo hoped he was doing okay with his try at gentle foreplay , whilst also trying not to look as embarrassed as he felt , he'd never been any good at all that flirting lark. Tugger gave him a sharp, penetrating look.

"Are you saying I don't satisfy you?"

Quaxo flushed a livid scarlet, unable to deny that intercourse with Tugger was probably the best feeling he would ever come across in his existence. But in a far more important sense than physical, No, he didn't satisfy him. Quaxo wanted –needed- intimate contact with Tugger's innermost feelings.

"I want us to spend more time together." He said, willing Tugger to respond with some suggestion that would make things better for him.

"Fine, we will spend time together, how many nights do you want Quaxo?"

Quaxo fought against a sense of worthlessness and failure. Was it this awkward in every relationship, or were queens more willing to seek companionship. He knew that in Tugger's mind, nights were associated with dancing, and sex. He was sure Tugger wasn't planning on dancing under the moonlight, so that left the other alternative. He wasn't getting the message at all.

"I want to talk to you, about something serious."

"Listen, I think Straps wants to talk to all the toms tomorrow something to do with Macavity. Isn't that serious enough?"

"It's not the same!" Quaxo retorted, hurt by Tuggers lack of understanding, knowing he was loosing but too annoyed by Tuggers intransigent attitude to back off from the disagreement.

"You want more?" Tugger asked softly.

"Yes" Quaxo replied, gaining some composure.

"What?"

"I'd very much like, just for once, for our pleasure and togetherness to revolve around more than purely one thing."

Tugger pulled Quaxo close, wrapping his arms around the smaller tom's waist. Quaxo buried his head into Tugger soft and seemingly limitless chest.

"Fine Quaxo, Take me, and do what you want with me, Im yours"

"Tugger, there is more to life than sex." Quaxo grated.

"I wasn't talking sex, I was talking loneliness"

"You've never been lonely in you life" he scoffed

"How can you be so sure" replied Tugger

"I know how your mind works."

"I doubt that you do" his face was unusually serious.

"When was the last time you were lonely" Quaxo asked in disbelief.

"I'm glad that you asked. It's the first time in our association that you've ever asked me how I felt about anything."

It was a valid point. He never had. Not directly. He hadn't wanted Tugger to think he was prying. Or demanding. Or nagging in a way which Tugger would find and intolerable invasion of his privacy.

Quaxo was suddenly jolted into a reappraisal of his own attitude throughout their relationship. He had let himself be intimated by the fact that Tugger was so eligible, and so attractive to other cats. In trying not to put a foot wrong, had he stultified a natural progression. Had he unwittingly drawn restrictions in being too cautious, desperately wanting to please and not to offend? He thought that Tugger didn't mind, he never seemed to be bothered about talking about things like that. Quaxo hated being this…_pathetic_. He just wanted Tugger so badly. But why? Surely there were more appropriate mates out there. No. No, he _loved _Tugger. But did Tugger love him…in so many words he'd never told Tugger, he tried to imply it. But he didn't want to come across to clingy as Tugger had never told him that he loved him. Maybe in doing this, he had jeopardised something that should have happened naturally.

"Im Sorry Rum," he said, deeply disquieted by his train of thought, "I'd like to know when you were lonely."

"Every time you leave"

This was so unexpected, it shook Quaxo. He looked his disbelief.

"Why do you look so shocked?"

"Sorry"

"The junkyard feels very empty without you Quaxo."

"Im sorry Tugger, but I've got to leave, until I get my magic fully under control, it's a danger to everyone, sometimes I just can't direct it, and I need to leave…"

"It's fine, I know, I know" he said, leaning forwards and kissing the smaller toms quivering lips.

"Why do people fall in love" Quaxo blurted out. Then wished he hadn't .It was too revealing and he begrudged full out telling Tugger that he loved him if the feeling wasnt mutual.

"It's a force of nature. One can love. One can hate. There's not much in between. Perhaps one can learn to be indifferent."

"That's fine" Quaxo assented quickly. It was about the only thing they had agreed on since Tugger's return.

"Which positioned have you adopted Quaxo?"

"I'm a fast learner" he replied. He _wasn't _going to make himself vulnerable by spilling out the _truth._

"Oh, that's a shame"said Tugger evenly.

"Why?"

"Because," he inhaled deeply "I love you"

"What? But I thought you…"

"You thought I didn't"

Quaxo nodded self-effacingly.

"Of course I love you. Why would we be mates if I didn't?"

"I…erm…I don't know"

"Right then"

"Erm…Rum?"

"Mmm"

"I didn't mean what I said about being a fast learner"

* * *

_Well, Im not that happy with it, Tugger seems too intelligent to me, and Misto seems to girly, ahh well Review please………_

Cheeesy!


End file.
